IS DEFEAT DEFEAT?

Yes. Defeat is defeat. Yet, the greater the defeat, the more fertile the grounds for personal growth.

Success is a time to receive kudos and awards, to celebrate and party. But when the applause dwindles, and you return home, was there anything much that you gained or learned? 

Failure and defeat are life’s toughest teachers.  We are forced to turn inside and seek reserves within that we may hardly have known we had. Just by struggling to make our way through the humiliation and the terrible doubt of defeat day by day by day, we learn tenacity and perseverance. Failure and defeat provide us with a fabulous chance to learn about the deeper dimensions of our own beings. Sounds nice. Sounds wise. But let’s tell no lies. 

Defeat in athletics championships, in contests, or in competitions, is usually painful, yet somehow manageable, and we are soon back on our feet. But the greater battles of life involve terrible loss. Loss of loved ones, loss of self-esteem, loss of hope, loss of a future perspective… We may be the targets of subterfuge or intrigue. One may be the target of hatred. Of dishonesty or deception. Or outright betrayal. Like the undertow of a turbulent sea, the intentions of adversaries may pull us down and under. 

One may be grabbling with crippling accidents, wrestling with malignant disease, our own or that of our children or loved ones. One might lose all those who one loves. One may find oneself struggling with anguish and grief while floundering in despair. One may be towed down to the bottom many times a day. Or many times a week. Months may pass with little or no hope. One may find oneself struggling forward in a darkened tunnel where there is little light and seemingly no way out. 

Yet, most defeat we somehow survive. We may can have no idea what the greater purpose of our suffering may be. But if one can take another point of view and imagine being much older and looking back over one’s life, defeat then is no longer just defeat. That period of darkness and struggle turns out to be one of the greatest teachers that we have. We personally become closer to the better parts of our own selves and so much closer to the essence of our own being. Many people look back and say:  “If I had never received such a thrashing, if I had never gone through such defeat, if I had not been forced to struggle my way through such a debacle,, I would not be the person I am today. So, if I had to go back through it all again… ” Before enlightenment comes severest “endarkenment.” It is a grinding down to shatters and ashes. It is a forging of steel on stone. And that’s no telling lies.

One learns an immense amount about oneself when one grapples with defeat. One can never foresee the unfathomable take-away that lies within. But, with time, the defeat fades into the background. What then is essential? Answers to questions such as: “What have I learned? And: “How did I then grow beyond my former self and  begin to re-write my life?” (And maybe one then can help others who are caught in their own struggles with defeat.)

There may be “No success like failure…, and failure may be no success at all.” But failure can be one of the greatest teachers in our lives. (If it only weren’t so agonizing.)