The goal of psychotherapy

The goal of good counseling, coaching and psychotherapy is to help individuals “empower” themselves to become emotionally clear, honest, courageous, and authentic individuals. That is, to “self-actualize.” People are quite willing to work hard to become the best possible version of themselves.

For self-empowerment and self-actualization, several queries need to be pursued. For example: What are your personal values? What are your own professional goals and in your personal relationships? What is hampering the realization of these values and goals? And: what is restricting you?  Particularly important in coaching are your answers to questions such as:  What parts of your personality would you like improve? What parts of your personality would you like to fortify? What parts of your personality would you like to distance yourself from? What do you need to do to speak up for yourself and your needs more clearly? What skills do you need to acquire to set better boundaries? 

William Faulkner wrote: "The past is never dead. It's not even past." 

We can take this a step further. Look back and grapple with the hardship of your past. Seek help. One cannot do this so well alone.  We are missing the objectivity. Then let go of that dream that must be deferred, the insults, the suffering and loss. Take with you lessons learned and fond memories.  In that chamber of your heart,  the footsteps of your past will have led you to your present and will be with you as your venture into your future. 

Couples counseling:

Family and intimate partnership relationships tend to be the most complex, the most challenging, and the most rewarding of all human existence.  A few of the major issues are finding one’s bearings,  clarity in communication, appreciating differences, reducing expectations, clarity and fairness in expressing one’s needs, listening to each other… and many more.

Some mountain passes need not be crossed. Some problems are not directly surmountable. How then does one overcome such adversity? First, one’s inner truths and values are set at the center of one’s coping strategies.

One seeks to distance oneself from one’s emotionality. One also distances oneself from one’s obsessive loops of argumentation. And one seeks advice from trustworthy and “well-battled” friends. And, if needed, one turns to professionals.

One needs also to become sensitized and seek guidance from intuitions from within. Then draft two plans:  one plan to adjust, adapt to, and accept a situation you cannot change. If that doesn’t work, a second plan to draft an exit strategy. Careful timing is of the essence. Safe passage around that mountain will then find its way to you. 

Sometimes in life one must find the courage to say: “No more of this.” One may have to take a leap away from comfort, tradition, and social status.  There will be no avoiding the suffering of insecurity, the torment of guilt and gnawing doubt.

Yet, how else does one build genuine and unswerving trust in oneself and then follow one’s own calling? Sometimes one must leap. True self-esteem  (not that of prestige and glamour) will be the hands to catch you as you fall.  One enables one’s convictions and one’s talents, and calls upon the positive resources found in one’s own spirit.  Then, doors open that one never previously imagined.

An experience of a higher power? An inner presence within mediating wisdom, strength and endurance? Inside of us? Or outside of us? Of “God?”

The psychotherapist Carl Jung was asked in a BBC television interview if he believed in God. He replied, “I don’t need to believe, I know.” Jung was immediately chagrined and regretted his answer – he had not meant to be arrogant or controversial. 

As psychotherapists, the psychological experience of finding some inner presence of a “higher power”  is reported by many people suffering personal crises. (It is a key element in AA, NA, OA and other similar programs for coping with addiction.) Psychotherapists accompany people as they gain emotional strength through an inner experience of a power “greater” than their egos, their will, or their best intentions. While struggling with calamity, persecution, illness and unbearable hardship, many people turn inwards to seek guidance and solace in the face of adversity and malevolence. They learn to accept themselves and, out of such harsh circumstances, they mold their destiny.  Such people speak about an inner cathartic efficacy that helps alleviate much of their suffering. Many people experience this as a higher power outside themselves as well.

An experience of some higher presence within (real or imagined) helps many find the hope and the compassion they need to survive the endless struggles of life. The study of “near death experiences” has verified some people’s personal experiences of an “existence” of such cathartic encounters, no matter what the actual nature of near death experiences may be. Many counselors from various professional walks of life can rightfully say: “I ‘know’ of the existence of some ‘higher power.’ Because I’ve seen what a difference it makes.” 

Psychotherapists across the planet bare witnesses every day to such inner spiritual perceptions.  We “don’t believe in them;” rather we  “know” of their psychological effectiveness. The God-image, Jung noted,  is the expression of an underlying perception of something greater than our everyday selves. As “the godfather” of Alcoholics Anonymous, he “awoke” the founder of AA to the need for a deeper connection to the psychologically spiritual. If people want to claim that this experience is related to “God,”…. then more power to them. One can name it anything one wants. But it does appear within many people when despondency reigns and solace, courage, and stamina are needed most. Jung brought it down to a simple reflection: “God is nothing more than that superior force in our lives.”  Again, one can call it anything one wants. And one can experience such “higher forces” every day. Particularly if they are perceived in quiet and solitude.  As psychotherapists, we must “know” of such a presence. But you do not need to be a psychotherapist to “know” this.